The Journey Continues

Well days 4 and 5 have passed and I have yet to have a cigarette. It's amazing the things your body goes through trying to purge out the toxins you so easily pumped in for years. This week I have been sick and moody. I have stayed in my bedroom for the better part of the day. I would probably cause more harm than good. Day 5 was the worst so far. I was alone all day and would of loved nothing more than to drink my coffee and smoke my cigarette but I did neither, instead I read, all day. Reading has become my new addiction so to speak. Since nothing else seems to be working out for the moment, I enjoy spending my day lost in some fantasy world reading of the problems each character is facing instead of truly reflecting on my own. Why not, their problems are much less depressing than mine. I figure that once I am done with this book, my body will be done detoxing and I can regain the energy I once had to actually do something with my day.

Aside from the not smoking, I haven't really done much about the other resolutions. Some seem like mountains that I am not prepared to climb, others mountains I am just sitting at the top of wondering where to go from here.

I feel that I am at some what of a stand still with the moving on part of my life. Thoughts of the past enter in here and there throughout the day but don't seem to really faze me but what is next? What else is there to do to move on? I feel like I have done all the physical things I can do to move on. Move from a different state, rid myself of all the things that create painful memories, yet I still feel lost. What else is there to do? I guess just wait, let time really heal me. It feels like a wound with a bandage over it, it keeps itching and I am so ready for the band aid to come off but yet I am still worried that if I remove it that I will expose the wound to the harsh surroundings it's not ready for. For now I will wait and let more time pass until I know for sure this wound has fully healed.