Well I am finishing out the 1st week of my Resolutions Project and so far I am happy to say that I have not smoked at all! I am really surprised! There have been cravings here and there but I have pushed right through them, with a little help of my friend named food. On the downside, I feel like I have gain about 50 pounds trying to overcome this goal which is a problem seeing how I am suppose to be losing weight not the other way around. No problem, really?!?! I think I will continue to push off the losing weight thing for another month, secretly I am just dreading it. The problem with losing weight is it typically cost money and well I have none. And the other problem is I am an extremely picky eater, but I enjoy food. So I will be turning to you all for some creative problem-solving on that front, but that's another week, still focusing on the not smoking and 10 other things.
On another note, I have had some major set backs to this moving on thing. I was feeling good and wasn't really thinking about all the memories until yesterday. I had a strange dream that involved him and it was like a flood of memories came rushing in, some good and bad. I felt like I was going through the whole ordeal over again and I hate that. My mind plays the memories like movies in my head over and over and over again and I just want to press stop on the remote but I can't. I am really struggling with this and I have no clue how to make it go away? I guess I am really searching for some advice from those that have been through this. What should I do?
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Ok, first: congrats on going a week without smoking. Seriously.
ReplyDeleteAbout the other part: I suggest that you try to detach from the emotion and just study the memories like research: why did I allow him to say/do that? Why didn't I speak up (or whatever pertained to you). You can't beat yourself up over staying with him as long as you did. It might turn to anger, but not necessarily outward. It might turn inward. Why not seek out your pastor or some other trusted person (not family member or good friend) who will be objective and help you with this?
Thank you, I didn't think that I would be able to go cold turkey. And Thanks for the other advice, I never thought of looking at memories like that. I think it will help to better understand myself and help with that self discovery resolution.
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