It's a Heart Thing

Hello Faithful Readers,
Last night was suppose to be an entry night but I got caught up in some wonderful conversations with friends and family and before I knew it it was 3:30 in the morning and I was exhausted of thinking. So change of plans.
Yesterday was an interesting day for me and a huge test. A good deal of my smoking was done while driving,  a 45 minute trip equaled 3 cigarettes for me. Yesterday I had a meeting at a friends house and it was 45 minutes away, that's fine. I didn't think much of it until I got in my car and smelled my former lifestyle, gross. I got out of the driveway and had to stop in the middle of the road to find a small bottle of air freshener hidden in my passenger door pocket, the smell was too overwhelming and I hated it. I made it there without having to stop at a gas station to pick up my favorite pack. But then there was the ride home and about halfway to my destination the air freshener had run out and I really needed to stop to get gas. While stopped at a light I look over at the car sitting next to me and there sat this hot guy in his mustang smoking a cigarette, I starred so long that I didn't realize the light had turned green. Needless to say my trip home did not involve a stop at the gas station! I couldn't do it, I was too weak and I would cave if I stopped. Even through the trials and doubt of my day trip I made it to and from without smoking a single cigarette!
I am a full believer in the statement that it takes 21 days to break or start a habit. So come the 21st "becoming a non-smoker" will receive a big check on my list of resolutions.
On another note, I know that many people make resolutions for the year and as the months go by the resolutions become less and less important, that's not the case for me. It is all about timing for me. I was already going through so much change, I left a great deal of friends behind when I moved back to Atlanta, I left my job, and I finally left my boyfriend, I left everything. 2009 was a year of leaving things, leaving Atlanta for Augusta, graduating school, leaving everything that I had grown so attached to and it hurt. For me in order to not feel the pain of losing those things I had to put my PR spin on it, make it into something better. So I decided that 2010 was going to be my PR spin, 2010 was a year of change. Everything that I left I knew in my heart needed to be let go of and all of my "resolutions" are things that my heart wants to change, it's just a matter of getting my mind and body to catch up with my heart. Last night while in deep conversation with some friends about life experiences, one of them said such a profound thing to me. When we want to change things we tend to try and change the things around us hoping that it will change the feelings in us but that is the wrong way. We have to change the insides before we can change the outside or we will fail. Now those are not his exact words but that is what I took from what he said. For those that really know me, you know how much I hate change, it really messes with my head. I have to have everything perfectly in order for me to feel at ease. So this whole process is really pushing me out of my comfort zone but onward I go.

This weeks begins a new chapter, one that I hate the effort of but love the results. I am going on what I would like to call a Vegan Fast. For 21 days if it doesn't grow from the ground, I'm not eating it. That means no meats, no dairy, NO CHEESE, and no eggs. Now I would go crazy if I did all of this at once, so I am going to do this in steps, this week no eggs, next week no meats and no eggs, and then week 3 none of them. I am hoping to go longer than the 21 days but we will have to see on that. It all sounds good on paper, lets see how it goes. None the less it should turn out some interesting blogs!