Past and Present

Two weeks have passed since my last entry and two months have passed since I began this project. I felt like with the beginning on month three, it would be a great time to review my resolutions/goals for the year. I find that when making goals the month we stop looking at that list, we lose focus on the end product and give up. I refuse to give up, as hard as some may be I am not giving up. So lets refresh ourselves with the resolutions and take a peek at the progress on them.

1) Move on with my life and put the past behind me. 
This one I can honestly say I feel like I can check it off. In the past I always felt that moving on meant, as it applies to relationships, that I removed myself from one and started a new one. In the past few months I have come to realize that this is not true, for me at least. For a while I felt like I wanted to be in a new relationship but recently I have changed my views on that, I am completely happy just the way things are, no man in my life and all. For so long I grew so attached to the relationships in my life that I lost who I was, I defined myself by who I was friends with. Sure I showed hints of my personality but I always felt a slight uncomfortableness deep inside. These past few months have allowed me some time to get to know me and I enjoy that.

2) Get a job 
Unfortunately this goal cannot be checked off. As much as this is frustrating I am not letting it get me down. I know that there is the perfect job for me out there... somewhere... (hopefully sometime soon). I have definitely had my ups and downs with this one, my good days and my bad days. I calculated since returning back to Atlanta I have applied to 583 jobs, no joke. Most of which I never hear anything about, but none the less I keep applying.

3) Quit Smoking 
Funny, when I reread my feelings about conquering this particular goal at that time I felt like this was going to be such a challenge. It has been the easiest of them all. I feel so much better since I have quit. No more nasty cough or stinky smell. I have, for the most part, gotten the smell out of my car for the exception of when I turn the heat on. My trick for doing so, if any of you are wondering, is placing a bounce laundry bar in my backseat window, works like a charm and leaves such a refreshing scent behind.

4) Losing an anonymous amount of weight 
Well, this is a tricky one. I tried the whole vegan 21 day fast and for the most part it worked out really well, I lost about 15 pounds. I can't say that all 15 pounds have remained off but I am still working hard at it. I have done well with cutting out sodas and caffeine in general, every now and again I will have one. I do drink tons of coffee but it's caffeine-free. I continue to drink tons of water a day and I only eat meat about once a day. I have added a lot more vegetables into my meals, so I feel like I am on the right course.  I am on my 3 weeks off right now but next week I plan to do the fast again. The whole goal is to eventually make a life style change.

5) Meet new people 
Funny, to think that the whole goal of this one was to meet a guy. Well as discussed earlier, I don't really care about that one, BUT I am meeting tons of new people and getting to know some old ones. I think at first I was really hesitant about this one, especially being so hurt by my ex who was my best friend as well, but I have really turned a new stone on this front. I have really begun to enjoy really getting to know people that I knew from the past. I also have taking time out of my busy yet not so busy life to spend time with complete strangers and getting to know them. I look forward to the last saturday of each month and going downtown with a group and spending time with the forgotten people of Atlanta. I enjoy my conversations with them, along with the photographs I get to take. Those days are amongst the highlights of my month. It's funny, I use to consider myself as the most outgoing introvert you ever met and now I am not that anymore. It feels so good to finally take the mask off of who I was, as if a weight has truly been lifted.

6) Find real joy in life and stop taking advantage of the wonderful moments everyday
I have definitely found joy in my life. Even just rereading what I have written today I can see on the screen the joy and happiness that I have found in my life. Now again this is not to say I don't have my rough days, but man are they fewer than what I use to have. I find myself smiling a lot more and not just on the outside, but on the inside as well. What a great feeling this is.

7) Be more adventurous 
I can't say I have really done much about this one. I guess in a way I have, because of not having a job and not really knowing where I will be this year or what I will be doing has allowed me to throw the planning book out the window. I feel like me being adventurous, right now at least, is me living in the moment. I know that for the most part I can do anything I want at any given moment (as long as it cost nothing, lol). I guess for me being adventurous is me feeling free and I do feel that, but I would like to do more and go on more adventures!

8) Do more for others 
I think I am on the road to that. I definitely feel like I do more than I use to. Like I said, I love spending time doing stuff for the homeless in Atlanta. I was thinking about that the other day, I so easily could be in many of their shoes, losing or leaving a job/city for one reason or another, unexpectedly finding yourself without a home; I know what it's like, if it wasn't for friends and family putting me up, I would be there... on a street... alone. It breaks my heart to see people in that situation because of the state of our economy, I feel their pain. Aside from that I have been giving of my talents and skills to various people and organizations. I have a very use it or lose it mentality and at the same time I am helping other people out and that feels good.


9) Working on my temper 
I have not done anything about this one. I see it, I realize that is it welling up inside me, but I feel like I cannot do anything about it. Driving less has definitely decreased my desire to stop at lights and chew someone out for their lack of driving skills, so that's a plus. I think I have traded it for going to the super market and seeing people's lack of bagging groceries or incompetence to walk around acting civil to the other shoppers, and I have had a few moments that I let my frustration be known to the people but I do feel that I acted maturely and with a good attitude. Again, I am working on it. I can't accomplished all 12 in two months, there is still time :).
  
10) Stop being selfish and start being selfless 
I think this sort of goes back to the Doing More for Others. At times doing stuff for other people has been for selfish reasons but the fact that I even thought of doing it to begin with is a step for me. I guess what my problem is, is that I will do whatever anyone wants as long as it is something I will enjoy doing, still pretty selfish. So again, another work in progress.

11) Write more 
Well for a while I was doing great with this one but once I got to a point that I got all my upsetting emotions out, I felt like there was nothing really to write about. I have stories in my head, I just don't take the time to stop watching tv and write them. I can't consider myself a writer unless I write! So I will work on this one, again!

12) To stay focused on my goals!
I am definitely staying focused even though there have been many times that I just wanted to give up. There have been times that I have told myself "I am done with this, it's too hard, it's too frustrating. I am not working on this anymore." I go to bed and clear my head and the next morning I start again, working on those goals. I just keep reminding myself that the end result for all of these goals will make me a better person and an even more happier person!


So in revisiting my resolutions and goals I feel like I am working hard even though I may not be seeing tons of progress. Thanks to all of you for the encouraging words and your words of wisdom. It is a long journey and we are 1/6 of the way through it.