Where to start?

So I feel like I am doing renovations, on myself that is. I am looking at myself kind of like a house, you look around see some little things you want to change and then the list gets longer and longer and well, longer. I started wanting to do just a few things to make a better me, then I stepped back and looked at myself and noticed that who I was wasn't anything that I thought I really was. I had picked up all these bad habits and just didn't like many things about myself. Now I am not one of those people who feels that in order to feel better about yourself you need to constantly beat yourself up, that's just not my style. I feel that if you don't like something about yourself, do something about it. So last year I started on the journey to "do something about it". As I started on the renovations of myself, inside and out, I did accomplish many of the goals that I set out to conquer, but there were a few that I sat there and looked at and I just can't figure out where to start. I know that in home renovations there may, and possibly will, come a time when you just can't do the work, you need to hire someone else to do it for you or with you. But what if you are too stubborn to hire someone else, you are determined to do it ALL on your own? That is one of the problems I am facing, especially when it comes to my weight. I have struggle my entire life trying to be thin and be a healthy weight but it seems like the more I try the further from my goal I get. One of my biggest problems is I want to be able to continue to enjoy food and not hate myself every time I eat something I want. Now because I have struggle my entire life I have a great understanding of every diet out there, I understand portion control, exercise, good foods and bad foods for you. I have done it all with little to no results. I'm not looking for an easy out, I just want to do something that allows me to still enjoy food and not worry about the pounds. My best friend and I have had many conversations about this particular issue, why is it that society puts so much pressure on people to be thin? It's every where, especially right now with the new year rolling in.  I don't want to live the rest of my life counting every calorie that I consume. Why is it that we are in a constant state of worry or stress. We stress about our jobs, our finances, our health, our weight... everything. Going to Italy really put this all into perspective for me, I want as little stress in my life as possible.  Maybe I should just move to Italy then I will be thin, if only. 

So when I sat down to determine what my goals for this year were going to be, at first all the ones I wrote down sounded cool but then yesterday I looked over them and thought, "What was I thinking?" Yes I want to do all these things but my goodness where do you even begin with some of these things? I guess that's why I decided to have a paradigm shift from resolutions to goals. Resolutions you just write down all the things you want to do differently; goals on the other ahead you have to determine the steps and specifics needed to achieve you goals. I guess right now I am in the process of trying to figure out all the steps for all my goals, I have a feeling that is going to take a lot of time and thought.

On a side note: Just then when I was thinking about all of this change, I realized that many people may think that people decide to change because they are unhappy. That is not the case at all for me. I am happy. I would be perfectly content with myself the way I am, I have accepted myself the way I am but and this is a big but, I would like to change some things about myself. I don't think that there is anything wrong with wanting to change things about yourself. For me the main reason I want to change is because I want to get even more out of life, I want to truly live life to the fullest and by not changing I feel like I am being held back. So that was me setting the record straight, :)

So to end today's verbal mind spill the things I need to do are sit down and decide an action plan for each of my goals.