Monday, February 1, 2010
Day of Realization
I have not forgotten about my dedication to my blog, I just simply had nothing to say. I was suppose to start working with someone on a few new projects last week but unfortunately due to my lack of caffeine and sugar, I got sick. Last week was simply a sucky week! I couldn't work on anything really because of my massive migraines that left me basically unable to function for about 4 days, I had to deal with my ex, and I started craving all the things I stopped eating. Besides the suckiness there was some profound realizations which made most of it worth it. My week was mostly boring until friday, a day that will be further known as The Day of Realization, I was forced to speak to my demon, my ex. I have been unable to contact a former employer to give them my current address and was forced to break down and ask my ex if he could possibly forward any mail he receives to my parents address. Most people would react, "sure, No problem." It was pretty evident that he had moved on a while ago and I as well, this conversation should go smoothly I repeated to myself in my head. Not the case, it has become more clear that my ex is not like most people. Me simply asking for my mail equaled me being obsessed of him (I laughed when I discovered this). Also he brought it to my attention that I was sharing too much personal information in status updates to mutual friends and that it was really difficult for him to read. This all coming from the man that premeditated a trip to cheat on me, the person who on the day of revealing this to me told me he didn't care about me anymore, and everything he had ever said was a lie. As hurtful as that all was I was the person strong enough to quit my job at the company we both worked at, moved to a completely different state, and discontinued all contact with him. You see our relationship was built around patterns. He would cheat or the abuse would go to far, I would walk away, he would convince me that he had changed, I believed him, and inevitably we would get back together. This happened for 4+ years. I didn't know how to think or speak for myself anymore, all I knew how to do was what he wanted me to do or what he wanted me to be. Until that one day, I had had enough. I would no longer stand by a man who hit me or put me down every time I disagreed. I had finally reclaimed my voice and I wanted me back and I am proud to say I have found myself again. I know who I am and what I want and that makes me so happy, a happiness that was hidden for so many years and covered with denial of what was really going on. So coming back to friday, it really angered me that this man that I don't care about anymore would even dare question the fact that I have any interest in him and that was beyond me. That very brief conversation reminded me of that little puff that I took the other week and my reaction to it. This was a person that despite it all I loved him and never thought that I would be without him and even though there had been no temptation to be with him there was always that question buried deep in the back of my mind of "I wonder if he has really changed" and that conversation reminded me of how much he hadn't and how I really had no interest of ever being friends with him. Just like smoking, those feelings I had once had are totally different and I am so much happier without it and him. It feels so good to officially say that I have completely moved on and that is why I marked friday as my Day of Realization!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
What you have said is a complete lie. You are delusional. I would suggest that if you are going to speak of others you speak the truth. I have asked you before to stop posting things about him. Stop all the drama and grow up.
ReplyDeleteInteresting, this coming from a person that has decide to remain Anonymous. I am sorry but it is all true and I know that it is true along with many people!
ReplyDeletePut simply, this is a place for Jennie to speak her mind so she can get help and support from her friends during a difficult time. She has not posted any names and the things that she posts are not to attack anyone, they are to help her get things off her chest. If you want to look at hard FACTS, we can talk about how her ex bought plane tickets to go visit some whore (and yes, I use that term literally since she was still with her boyfriend at the time and she told her boyfriend she was visiting grandparents or something, who does that!?). Her ex did this before he broke up with Jennie, also making him a WHORE. This was an event several people are aware of.
ReplyDeleteAll of this drama could have been avoided if her ex would have followed your advice anonymous, to GROW UP!
Expect more hits on your blog... And keep "them" posted!
ReplyDeleteTODD
I agree that this is Jennie's space and people who are just here to be assholes need to move on and let her work through what she has been through without harassment. -Julianna
ReplyDeleteI know for a fact that what Jennie has written is true. I have been friends with her during the duration of her relationship. I would like to know what this person is claiming her that she is lying about? Not being interested in him, I promise that she has moved on. Was it that he verbally and physically abused her, I not only witnessed it multiple times but I saw the bruised and hand marks on her arms and neck. She has been through a lot and you have no right to make false claims as to the truth of her story. You odviously don't know her or much about her ex. I'm so proud of my friend and the leaps and bounds that she has made, she has grown up and is an inspiration to many. Keep writing Jennie and know that the people that DO know you know the truth!
ReplyDelete-MZ
I am so thankful for the wonderful friends and family that have stood by me and supported me through it all over the past few months. I didn't realize that by working through my feelings and my battles that it would stir up such controversy. As one person put it so perfectly this is a place that I can share my feelings and gain the strength and support from my friends. This is NOT a place to create false accusations. I did not write any of that to bash him. I simply wrote it because in order to understand the present one has to be open about their past.
ReplyDeleteSo because I have moved on, so will my blogs. There is nothing further to write about my past with my ex. I hope that all commenters can remain civil and respectful. Thank you.
Well said Jenn! I see you took the high road, good for you!
ReplyDeleteHey Anonymous Jerk, funny that you accuse her of drama and that she needs to grow up but it looks to me that you are the one that is creating drama and the one in need of growing up.
Jennie, don't let this asshole discourage you from continuing to remain open and what you are going through. And as you said there are a lot of people that know the truth. (John B.)